Some hard times.

Hey everyone. The last few days have been hard ones. On Sunday, I found out about 10 minutes before church started that I had to play morning offertory. I have played piano for 5 years now, but I still don't think I'm very good at it. I don't even know why they choose me to do morning offertory, but it's fine I guess. It was a little crazy, though, because I had no time to prepare or practice something to play. I didn't do well at all, but I got through it, and I didn't do it for man's applause, and that's all that matters I guess. Sunday night was a lot of fun - it was SNAC night. SNAC stands for Sunday Night After Church, and so that's what it's called because that's exactly what it is! We have it about once a month, and this time was a TON of fun!! Someone left the dehumidifier off in the gym, so the floor was crazy slippery, which made for some funny (and some painful - lol) falls. There was soda and some snacks, and also lots of fun games. After we played a bunch of crazy and funny games, including human tic-tac-toe and capture the flag in the wet, dark softball field outside, I was able to talk with a few friends and it was really nice and refreshing.

On Monday evening, things took an unexpected turn. My parakeet, Julie, was sitting on the floor of her cage and was not looking good at all. I was really concerned, but I didn't know what to do for her at that hour of night since she was sleeping, and I very much wanted be. So I decided to see what I could do in the morning. I slept in a little, and around 7:45 my mom came in and woke me up. Then she told me that my bird was sitting on the floor of the cage. I knew this already, but I had forgotten. I got up and looked at her. She looked awful. I was thinking about what I should do for her, and then she let out a feeble "peep," and fell over on her side. What I didn't realize was that right then, she died. I thought she was still alive , so I was talking with Mom about what we should do. I didn't know if she was suffering and I should put her out of her misery, or if I could nurse her back to health. Then I suddenly realized what had happened and I said, "She may already be dead!" I reached in and picked her up and found that she was. It was the most awful thing... picking up her stiff, little body and realizing that she was gone. I held her and cried for at least an hour. I would have cried more, but I had to get ready to leave for the day, because I had an appointment at the dentist.

We headed out for a long day. First we went to the dentist and I got my night-guard (something sort of like a retainer that I wear at night because I grind my teeth and I have TMJ) fixed. After that, we headed to an oral surgeon for my brother, Zach, who had to get all 4 of his wisdom teeth out. We got there 1/2 hour early, and they were an hour behind schedule, so we ended up being there for a total of 2 and 1/2 hours. In that time I read and memorized a lot of scripture and read part of the book "Set-Apart Femininity" by Leslie Ludy. It was a long time to just sit there, but I had a good time with God and managed to forget Julie's death. On the way home, I remembered it. When I got back I sat on my bed and cried more. Julie was more than just a bird, she was a very special pet and friend. She wasn't just a family pet, she was MY pet. I bought her, kept her, cared for her, and trained her. She was like a little friend.

Wednesday, I got up and worked most of the morning. Then I went out and buried Julie alone. I had a parakeet a long time ago who belonged to my great grandma before she died. We kept him (the parakeet) for a long time. For the first few years he was cared for by my older brother Erik, and then Erik passed him to me. He was a very special friend, too. He eventually died of old age, and that was really painful for me. That happened about 4 or 5 years ago. We also had to have our dog, Misty, put down a long time ago, maybe 7 or so years ago. Both of those pets are buried near each other in our woods. Their deaths were hard for me to bear for a long time, especially since I was so little when I lost them. But, time goes on, and we've since gotten a new dog, and I got a new parakeet. Then when Julie died, and I buried her near the other 2 pets, I felt the pain of losing all 3 pets all over again. I cried the whole time.

The rest of the day was dull and hard. The only reason it was hard was just because it was so hard on me emotionally to lose Julie. In case you're wondering how Julie died, she has been sick for probably about a year now. I don't know how she got sick, or what she was sick with, but I could tell she was. I have nursed her through several times when I thought she was going to die, but she never got completely better. I guess this was just all her body could take, and she died. I feel horrible about it. I feel like if I had paid more attention she might still be here, but I don't know. Without a vet, she probably wouldn't have lasted long, and I couldn't afford to take her to one. She served her purpose on earth, which is to bring glory to God and pleasure to both God and man. It really comforted me to remember that God says that He sees every sparrow that falls, and cares about it.

I guess, over all, it has been very hard these last few days. The pain won't go away for a long time, but it will eventually. It's not like losing a person, but it's still hard. I have really been taught to lean on God through it, and to trust Him, even though it doesn't seem fair that I should lose her. God does not withhold any good thing from those who love Him, so I know that even though it's hard, it will be okay. God has lessons to teach me through this, and I am ready and willing to learn them. Please pray for me, this is a really hard thing for me. I know it sounds childish to make such a fuss over such a small thing, but it is really big to me. So please pray for me. Thanks.