Less of me.

Lately God's been convicting me about how I'm full of me. I guess I knew, in theory, that all human being are prideful and thus I must have some pride issues, but I didn't see how self-focused I really am.

Here's an example: my resolution/goal for 2012 was to basically "discover myself." (Talk about psychology nonsense!) I was shy and insecure, and wanted to stop changing who I was based on who I was with. Well, it's true that we shouldn't fear man's opinion, but the cure is fearing God - not being more confident in ourselves. But my goal was to build SELF-confidence... and sadly, I did just that.

Another example: As of February 2012, the 5 words I wanted to describe me were: godly, beautiful, smart, lovable, and capable. I summed up of the attributes I should have been focusing on in just one spiritual-sounding word, and then listed the ones I was really after...  ones that built my image. Notice I didn't say I wanted to be loving, I wanted to be lovable. It was about me. 

Yeah.... ouch. So, why in the world am I admitting to all my readers how proud I am? Well, for one thing, it's good for me; for another, it helps keep me accountable and transparent with my brothers and sisters in Christ. And as for people reading this who don't really know me... well, maybe you'll leave encouraged somehow. 

So all that to say... I'm so sick of me. I need LESS of me. I need more of Jesus!! I am truly so grieved at how much I love me. And I have some different goals now. My number one goal this year: to make Jesus Christ shine building others up in Him. I want to accomplish that by being a listener, an encourager, a person who sees the inside of people and loves without partiality, and by not talking about and thinking about ME.

The 5 words I want to describe me: humble, loving (God and people), prayerful, servant, and (even though it's not one word) recklessly abandoned to Christ! So friends, encourage me and be the same to me! I'm so far from what I should be, but so encouraged to work towards the goal in the power of the Holy Spirit. He is so faithful!

"He must increase, but I must decrease."

John 3:30

Resolution Vs. Goal

Last year I made a lot of resolutions. I was so sure that this would be the year that I would become, well, perfect. Part way through the year, though, when I was still doing very well at keeping my resolutions, I realized how petty they were. As if banning movies and facebook would make me a better person! As if meeting my personal standard is what makes me righteous! As if I could ever be good enough through my own actions! As if I could ever be perfect enough to meet even my own requirements, much less God's! I realized that I was setting myself up for failure.

So I made a new resolution. No, actually two.
1) Nullify all previous resolutions.
2) Never make another resolution.

Now you're saying "What is wrong with her? She's flown to the opposite extreme!" But really, I'm not. Bear with me. I'm definitely NOT saying that we shouldn't set goals to try and meet. Without goals to strive toward, we don't make progress. But there's a difference between a resolution and a goal. With a resolution, you either succeed or fail. There's no in between. Even if you almost succeed, it's no good - you still failed. With a goal, you work toward achieving a desired result. And, no matter, how slowly you achieve it, how many times you mess up and start again, or how far from perfect you are, it's still worth doing!

For example, one of my goals this year is to memorize the Westminster Shorter Catechism. If it's a resolution, it's only worth doing if I memorize it all. But as a goal, it will be valuable even if I only memorize a quarter of it.

I believe this is a biblical concept. It's in line with the biblical model of progressive sanctification, in which we never "arrive" but we are always moving forward. No matter how many times we sin, it's still worth it to strive for righteousness! And, Ecclesiastes 5 warns us against making resolutions we can't keep.

So friends, let's be careful not to make rash vows this year. Only God can make a promise and be sure to keep it! We're not perfect. We simply cannot guarantee to anyone, even ourselves, that we will certainly do or not do anything. Rather, let us make goals, and move on to godliness!