Grow up!

This morning I went to a meeting at our church's biblical counseling center to begin to pursue becoming a certified IABC biblical counselor. This is something I really didn't expect to find myself doing a year or two ago... I was sure that when high school was done I would marry Prince Charming right away so I could raise my 20 children ASAP, or maybe head to a Bible college and then head off to be a bush-whacking single missionary to uncharted jungles and tribes.

But God had other plans.

For one thing, He showed me that Prince Charming is not just waiting at my door to sweep me off my feet. He (if he does indeed exist for me) is off fighting the Lord's battles and becoming the Lord's man, while the Lord grows me up and teaches me to be a selfless woman who loves and serves the Lord and doesn't expect Prince Charming to be the answer to my problems in life. The Lord is showing me that a relationship isn't his plan yet - He has work for me here and now.

He also showed me that, as a woman, I should be embracing the protection and ministry of the home. I don't need to run off across the country to learn from people I've never met, and then venture alone into the darkness of the world, when I have a godly mother to learn from right here, and a local church that's full of ministry potential and teaching to edify my soul. Single women can fully recognize their role as women, just as much as married ones - the role of helping and serving, under protection and headship. My goal is to honor the authority and wisdom of my parents and serve my family, while I continue to grow spiritually and in every other way. (That's not to say college is wrong - it can be an excellent tool of the Lord! But it shouldn't just be what we default to because it's what everyone does.)

So here I am. When I went to the meeting this morning and learned the requirements of becoming a certified biblical counselor, it was a bit scary. It will demand maturity and commitment. I may have to sacrifice some care-free excursions with friends and some weekend lounging. I will have to work diligently to start something so big while still finishing my primary schooling. But I'm willing. I accept the challenge. It's time to grow up! In America, childhood is excused and continued into the 20's and 30's many times, under the excuse of adolescence. 

But here's what the Bible says: "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways." (1 Cor. 13:11)

So friends, let's rise up. Let's reject the poison of our culture that tells us we have time to waste. No matter how scary it may seem, let's grow up. And lets' follow God's plans for our lives - not our own - as we grow up.

This "Modesty" Thing.

Modesty. It's a word we all know. But there are so many different opinions about what it means and what exactly we have to do to be modest.

What do you think of when you hear the word modesty? The first thing that comes to my mind is wearing clothing that covers you appropriately. But that, in fact, is not the true meaning of the word.

By modern definition, modesty means:

mod·es·ty/ˈmädəstē/

Noun:

The quality or state of being unassuming or moderate in the estimation of one's abilities. The quality of being relatively moderate, limited, or small in amount, rate, or level.

Basically then, it means not being proud and conceited. Also, it means using moderation in what you do.

I also really love the Webster's 1828 definition:

MOD'ESTY, n. [L. modestia.] That lowly temper which accompanies a moderate estimate of one's own worth and importance. This temper when natural, springs in some measure from timidity, and in young and inexperienced persons, is allied to bashfulness and diffidence. In persons who have seen the world, and lost their natural timidity, modesty springs no less from principle than from feeling, and is manifested by retiring, unobtrusive manners, assuming less to itself than others are willing to yield, and conceding to others all due honor and respect, or even more than they expect or require.

2. Modesty, as an act or series of acts, consists in humble, unobtrusive deportment, as opposed to extreme boldness, forwardness, arrogance, presumption, audacity or impudence. Thus we say, the petitioner urged his claims with modesty; the speaker addressed the audience with modesty.

3. Moderation; decency.

4. In females, modesty has the like character as in males; but the word is used also as synonymous with chastity, or purity of manners. In this sense, modesty results from purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle. Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor.

Wow, there's a lot there! From this definition we discover that modesty traditionally has meant (to sum up) humility and moderation. If that is the meaning, it applies to all of life - not just what we wear. We should be modest in our demeanor, and in the way we speak. Modesty is part of being a servant.

So how does this apply to our clothing? Well, if we have truly modest spirits, we will wear clothing that does not draw attention to us or our bodies. We will not wear a myriad of gaudy accessories, or flaunt of bodies with revealing clothing. We won't wear clothing that causes people to stop and stare. And, as the 1828 definition says, modesty also means chastity and purity of a woman. A modest woman won't wear - or do, or say, etc. - anything that is not chaste and pure, or that would compromise the purity of anyone else.

So now, what are some practical suggestions for how to do this? First of all, pray. Pray for God's help, pray that the Holy Spirit will teach you all things. (John 14:26) Only by Him is it possible to find out how we should live. (Eph. 5:9-10) Then, be willing to do what is best for others, not just what you (as a female who does not naturally know anything about the needs of men) think is right. If you have godly men in your family, ask them how you can dress in a way that would not cause men to stumble. Obey your parents. And if you don't have godly men to turn to, praise the Lord for the internet! =) We have some great online resources for finding out what is modest to men. Here is a link to a survey about modesty from over 1,600 Christian guys!

I hope this is helpful to you. Keep seeking God, and striving to serve Him and others in every way - including clothing!

Faith of our Mothers

There are many things I could say about Mothers' Day. 

I think the first thing I want to do is praise my own mother, who has been an example of a godly woman, wife, and mother to me. Throughout the years, her testimony has shown brightly before me. I have memories from very early years of her talking and praying with me every night before bed - we would talk for nearly half an hour, and it was never enough. She chose to stand firm and raise her children, dedicating her life to them, amidst a culture that scorns motherhood. She stood firm even when all of her support from crumbled away beside her, in a way that few Christian women ever face.

Mom and I at the Creation Museum for the first time - '09

Our family went through some trying years when I was reaching my teen years, and I chose to rebel in spite of her godly example. She had little help in guarding me from the path I was headed on. I'll put in plainly for you: I was considering ending my own life. God never let go of me, though - I couldn't have escaped His love if I tried. It was through the influence of my mother that my heart was brought to salvation and a path of submission to Christ. In the past three years or so I have discovered and keep on discovering in deeper ways what it means to walk with Christ. Not a day goes by without my mom and I having at least one big conversation about Christ and what it looks like to follow Him. She gives me counsel. She has been the one who has protected my heart and my path. She sets an example for me in every way...  how she has given her life to stay at home raising my brothers and I, given us all of our education herself, and led us spiritually. How she now teaches and counsels other women. How she loves and serves her husband. Most of all, she has prayed faithfully for me. 

Enjoying Christmastime - 2008

I have the blessing of regularly hearing my mother praised by other people - every woman in her life has been blessed by her friendship, counsel, and example. She's the kind of woman that young mothers aspire to be like. She sets an example to girls who come from a worldly youth by how she has excelled in becoming a godly woman even though she had no example. She is a first generation Christian who has lived with a multi-generational goal of raising up children for the Lord. I can't express how much I have been blessed and influenced by her.

Buying a Christmas tree for Christmas 2008

Also, on Mothers' Day, I think of my dreams of being a mother someday. To all of you girls reading this - you are the future mothers of the world! As I listened to the sermon this morning in church, I could hardly contain my excitement. Oh, how I long to be a virtuous woman! May we, the future mothers of the world, start preparing now. And I'm not just talking about learning to cook, take care of children, and keep a home, although those things are important. The most important thing we can do to prepare for marriage and motherhood is learn to be a humble servant of Christ. Our hearts are what need work. We need to become loving and patient, submissive and supportive to our authorities, and quick to serve. Slow to speak, slow to get angry. Praying always. Teachable. Humble. Sacrificial. This is what it takes to be a godly wife and mother.

At Letchworth State Park - December 2011

And lastly, my heart goes out to everyone who does not have a mother in their life, or who has a painful relationship with their mother. Not everyone has two parents in their lives, and not everyone has two godly parents in their lives. I just want to encourage you to trust in the Lord who is faithful, no matter what.

If you have time, you may like to read through the lyrics to the hymn, "Faith of our Mothers," sung to the tune of "Faith of our Fathers." It was a blessing to me as I considered all the ways mothers affect the lives of their children, inspiring them to never forsake the faith.

Just got our hair done - Fall 2010

Faith of our mothers, living still
In cradle song and bedtime prayer;
In nursery lore and fireside love,
Thy presence still pervades the air:
Faith of our mothers, living faith!
We will be true to thee to death.

Faith of our mothers, loving faith,
Fount of our childhood's trust and grace,
Oh, may thy consecration prove
Source of a finer, nobler race:
Faith of our mothers, living faith,
We will be true to thee till death.
 
Faith of our mothers, guiding faith,
For youthful longing, youthful doubt,
How blurred our vision, blind our way,
Thy providential care without:
Faith of our mothers, guiding faith,
We will be true to thee till death.

Faith of our mothers, Christian faith,
Is truth beyond our stumbling creeds,
Still serve the home and save the Church,
And breathe thy spirit through our deeds:
Faith of our mothers, Christian faith!
We will be true to thee till death.

Happy Mothers' Day everyone - now go and be a blessing to every mother you can!

Being goofy with Cody - 2008

Restored dreams

Lately I have been thinking thoughts that I haven't thought in a while. Somehow, as a teenager in our modern culture, I've lost the vision I used to have for my life. When I was a little girl, all I wanted out of life was to be a godly wife and mother, and to have a simple, loving home. But, of course, ideas like that are "out-of-date" and repugnant to us these days. After all, isn't it absolutely vital for women to go to college and have a thriving career? She could get married later on if she really wanted to, and maybe have a baby... but only as a supplement to a successful career. Being a homemaker is demeaning to women. Equality of the sexes! Women's rights! Our culture flaunt feminism, instead of femininity.

The Bible, however, has a different approach. Titus 2:4-5 says, "...admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." Also, 1 Timothy 5:14, which encourages, "Therefore I desire that the younger women marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully,"

This is what we were created for. This is the pattern of scripture. From the very beginning mankind was told, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh," and, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over... the earth." (Genesis 2:24 and 1:28) And, this is a beautiful thing!

Often it's easy to be repulsed by the idea of submission, or "gentleness and quietness of spirit" because it's easy to misunderstand these concepts. Submission does not mean being beneath or lower in value. Jesus Christ is in submission to God the Father! It's a joyful position that has blessing and value equal to the position of leadership. Gentleness and quietness does not mean somber, oppressed silence. To be gentle is to not be harsh, to be considerate and kind. Even men are commanded to be gentle. (1 Timothy 6:11) In order to have a quiet spirit, we must quell the clamor in our hearts. Vanquishing all fear, anxiety, hurry, stress, and worry will cause our spirit to finally be quiet enough for us to hear God's still, small voice. I don't know about you, but I think that sounds wonderful, not oppressive!

The Bible doesn't encourage wimpy, whiny, helpless women(even though many people think it does). On the contrary, radiant and courageous femininity is commanded! Reading proverbs 31, you will find that the godly woman is diligent and strong, yet wonderfully selfless. She works hard and is strong for purpose of serving others, not for pursuing her own plans.

Before I end this post, I want to say that the Bible is not opposed to women having a job outside of the home. Deborah, for example, was a judge. (Judges 4) What I would like to do is dispel the false ideas that we as women often have towards scriptural instruction to us, and to point out that marriage is the norm in scripture, not career.

God has a specific, unique plan chosen for each of his daughters. He has restored my dreams of courageous femininity, and I hope He will give you that vision, as well.