Less of me.

Lately God's been convicting me about how I'm full of me. I guess I knew, in theory, that all human being are prideful and thus I must have some pride issues, but I didn't see how self-focused I really am.

Here's an example: my resolution/goal for 2012 was to basically "discover myself." (Talk about psychology nonsense!) I was shy and insecure, and wanted to stop changing who I was based on who I was with. Well, it's true that we shouldn't fear man's opinion, but the cure is fearing God - not being more confident in ourselves. But my goal was to build SELF-confidence... and sadly, I did just that.

Another example: As of February 2012, the 5 words I wanted to describe me were: godly, beautiful, smart, lovable, and capable. I summed up of the attributes I should have been focusing on in just one spiritual-sounding word, and then listed the ones I was really after...  ones that built my image. Notice I didn't say I wanted to be loving, I wanted to be lovable. It was about me. 

Yeah.... ouch. So, why in the world am I admitting to all my readers how proud I am? Well, for one thing, it's good for me; for another, it helps keep me accountable and transparent with my brothers and sisters in Christ. And as for people reading this who don't really know me... well, maybe you'll leave encouraged somehow. 

So all that to say... I'm so sick of me. I need LESS of me. I need more of Jesus!! I am truly so grieved at how much I love me. And I have some different goals now. My number one goal this year: to make Jesus Christ shine building others up in Him. I want to accomplish that by being a listener, an encourager, a person who sees the inside of people and loves without partiality, and by not talking about and thinking about ME.

The 5 words I want to describe me: humble, loving (God and people), prayerful, servant, and (even though it's not one word) recklessly abandoned to Christ! So friends, encourage me and be the same to me! I'm so far from what I should be, but so encouraged to work towards the goal in the power of the Holy Spirit. He is so faithful!

"He must increase, but I must decrease."

John 3:30

The romance of life

It has been a busy and glorious fall! My education this year, as I said previously, has been exceptional because I get to study God's word as a large part of it. I've been busy with a million other things besides school though. And I thought fall would mean the start of life being more quiet and settled - ha! Somehow life has managed to fill itself up with friends, events, appointments, etc. We visited my brothers in Kentucky a couple of weeks ago, and it was delightful. Most of our time was also spent with the Neffs, our friends who live a couple of blocks away from Erik and Cody. They have a son and three daughters and our families have a BLAST together! We only stayed for a weekend but we crammed in lots of talking, laughing, taking walks, playing games, and a variety of other wonderful things, just enjoying each others' company. I miss everyone and can't wait to see them again. :)

As of yesterday, there are 8 weeks until the week of Thanksgiving. That should mean 8 weeks of peacefully spending my days studying and learning, sorting the closets full of clutter that have crept up on us, and attempting to get enough rest and rhythm to life to regain my sanity. I've brainstormed up yet another new schedule for my daily life (yes, I'm quite the planner) and though this is only day 2, it seems to be working very smoothly and hopefully will continue to do so for the next 8 weeks. I love it when life follows the peaceful cadence of happy home life.

The weather here is simply indescribable. New York is definitely at it's best in September, in my opinion. It's getting very cold, but the sunshine is so bright and strong that every afternoon it's perfect for taking a brisk walk. The sky is a deep blue that isn't seen the rest of the year, and the evening sun casts a lovely autumn gold over all of the greens, reds, oranges, yellows, browns, and purples of our country homestead. It's the kind of weather that inspires songs, poems, and prayers.

It's little things like these - weather, home, friendships, family, work, school, and everything we do and have - that make life romantic. And you know what? I think I'll go enjoy the romance of life right now!

Faith of our Mothers

There are many things I could say about Mothers' Day. 

I think the first thing I want to do is praise my own mother, who has been an example of a godly woman, wife, and mother to me. Throughout the years, her testimony has shown brightly before me. I have memories from very early years of her talking and praying with me every night before bed - we would talk for nearly half an hour, and it was never enough. She chose to stand firm and raise her children, dedicating her life to them, amidst a culture that scorns motherhood. She stood firm even when all of her support from crumbled away beside her, in a way that few Christian women ever face.

Mom and I at the Creation Museum for the first time - '09

Our family went through some trying years when I was reaching my teen years, and I chose to rebel in spite of her godly example. She had little help in guarding me from the path I was headed on. I'll put in plainly for you: I was considering ending my own life. God never let go of me, though - I couldn't have escaped His love if I tried. It was through the influence of my mother that my heart was brought to salvation and a path of submission to Christ. In the past three years or so I have discovered and keep on discovering in deeper ways what it means to walk with Christ. Not a day goes by without my mom and I having at least one big conversation about Christ and what it looks like to follow Him. She gives me counsel. She has been the one who has protected my heart and my path. She sets an example for me in every way...  how she has given her life to stay at home raising my brothers and I, given us all of our education herself, and led us spiritually. How she now teaches and counsels other women. How she loves and serves her husband. Most of all, she has prayed faithfully for me. 

Enjoying Christmastime - 2008

I have the blessing of regularly hearing my mother praised by other people - every woman in her life has been blessed by her friendship, counsel, and example. She's the kind of woman that young mothers aspire to be like. She sets an example to girls who come from a worldly youth by how she has excelled in becoming a godly woman even though she had no example. She is a first generation Christian who has lived with a multi-generational goal of raising up children for the Lord. I can't express how much I have been blessed and influenced by her.

Buying a Christmas tree for Christmas 2008

Also, on Mothers' Day, I think of my dreams of being a mother someday. To all of you girls reading this - you are the future mothers of the world! As I listened to the sermon this morning in church, I could hardly contain my excitement. Oh, how I long to be a virtuous woman! May we, the future mothers of the world, start preparing now. And I'm not just talking about learning to cook, take care of children, and keep a home, although those things are important. The most important thing we can do to prepare for marriage and motherhood is learn to be a humble servant of Christ. Our hearts are what need work. We need to become loving and patient, submissive and supportive to our authorities, and quick to serve. Slow to speak, slow to get angry. Praying always. Teachable. Humble. Sacrificial. This is what it takes to be a godly wife and mother.

At Letchworth State Park - December 2011

And lastly, my heart goes out to everyone who does not have a mother in their life, or who has a painful relationship with their mother. Not everyone has two parents in their lives, and not everyone has two godly parents in their lives. I just want to encourage you to trust in the Lord who is faithful, no matter what.

If you have time, you may like to read through the lyrics to the hymn, "Faith of our Mothers," sung to the tune of "Faith of our Fathers." It was a blessing to me as I considered all the ways mothers affect the lives of their children, inspiring them to never forsake the faith.

Just got our hair done - Fall 2010

Faith of our mothers, living still
In cradle song and bedtime prayer;
In nursery lore and fireside love,
Thy presence still pervades the air:
Faith of our mothers, living faith!
We will be true to thee to death.

Faith of our mothers, loving faith,
Fount of our childhood's trust and grace,
Oh, may thy consecration prove
Source of a finer, nobler race:
Faith of our mothers, living faith,
We will be true to thee till death.
 
Faith of our mothers, guiding faith,
For youthful longing, youthful doubt,
How blurred our vision, blind our way,
Thy providential care without:
Faith of our mothers, guiding faith,
We will be true to thee till death.

Faith of our mothers, Christian faith,
Is truth beyond our stumbling creeds,
Still serve the home and save the Church,
And breathe thy spirit through our deeds:
Faith of our mothers, Christian faith!
We will be true to thee till death.

Happy Mothers' Day everyone - now go and be a blessing to every mother you can!

Being goofy with Cody - 2008

Peculiar

There's a lot of pressure to be like everyone else. 

Wear the same clothes, have the same haircut, like the same movies, talk the same way, 

go the same places, and on and on and on...

But guess what - the Bible sets you free from that. Telling us not to worry about what people think about us, it liberates us from trying to do what's "popular." In fact, it tells us we should be totally different! 

These two simple verse release us from all that pressure:

Proverbs 29:25

"The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the LORD shall be safe."

 1 Peter 2:9

"But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people; that you should 

show forth the praises of Him who has called you out of darkness into his marvelous light:"

Be peculiar!

A Tag from Katy :)

My wonderful friend Katy (Who I miss a LOT, by the way) tagged me in this! So, here goes. :)

First the rules:
1.) You must post these rules (Haha this rule makes me laugh!)2.) Each person must post eleven things about them on their blog.
3.) Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.

Okay, so 11 things about me. 

1. I have been saved by the substitutionary death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and now my life is hidden with Christ on high. Every day He makes me more like Him, but I am SO far away from what I should be. I am so thankful for His mercy and grace. And thankful to see growth in my life, though it is slow indeed.


2. I want to be a missionary to a foreign country someday. God has been burdening me for the parts of our world that have absolutely NO access to the gospel, and are constantly dying (without CHRIST!) because they don't even have their physical needs met. And, what's more, they are not glorifying God with their lives, and Christ deserves the reward of His sufferings!

3. Can't decide whether I like being called Christianna of Christy better. Almost everyone I know calls me Christy, and I think it sort of fits my personality better, but Christianna is definitely more beautiful. (as long as you pronounce it an AHN-na, not ANN-na) Which do you think is better - Christianna or Christy?

4. My favorite animal is a white Bengal tiger. They are incredibly beautiful! I love all the big cats - tigers, lions, leopards, etc. God was so creative with the cat kind.

5. One of my dreams is to go to visit Australia - especially the Sydney Opera House. It's such an incredible work of architecture! I would also love to see some of the beautiful country landscapes in the country, and get to see all the native animals  - kangaroos, koalas, etc. That would be spectacular :)

6. I'm very much a girly-girl. I love dresses, flowers, and pretty things. I hate gore/blood and guts, bugs, and the like. But, I do have a bit of an adventurous side - I love hiking, camping, 4-wheelers, snowboarding risks and other such things.

7. One of my biggest faults is being unteachable. I am too proud to be corrected or told what to do. God is working on me in this area; I'm better than I used to be, but boy, do I have a long ways to go.

8. My personality is mostly sanguine, with a decent amount of choleric and melancholy. If you don't know personality types I will enlighten you: Sanguine is playful and energetic, Choleric is ambitious and take-charge, Melancholy is thoughtful and deep, and the other one (which I have absolutely none of - lol!) is Phlegmatic - easy-going and calm. If you'd like to see what YOUR personality is, try this link - it's pretty fun!

9. I love working with kids. I'm totally in my zone when I'm with kids about 6-11, and I love little ones too. I want to have an influence on the life of every child I meet, especially young girls. Mentors can make such a difference in a person's life, and having a child look up to you really makes you think about your actions. It's a win-win!

10. I LOVE music. I cannot imagine a world without music - ugh it would be awful! I play piano, and I wish I could play other instruments too. I love listening to music, playing music, singing, or whatever. Pretty much, I like every type of music that is God-glorifying.

11. I talk a lot! For all of you readers who know me in person you're probably smirking like, "You can say that again!" Haha. I love to laugh and talk, and talk and laugh.

Now to answer dear Katy's questions:

1. Do you like salty or sweet better? Sweet, for sure... hehe
   
2. What are three words you would use to describe yourself? Hmm... probably energetic, emotional, and determined.
3. What is the neatest things that ever happened to you in your life? I'd say meeting some influential freinds - particularly the Cases, Tabea and Paul, the Butlers, and the Sardinas.
4. What is your favorite Bible verse? Why. Wow, that's tough. I'd say my all time favorite is just this simple verse: "When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I." ~Psalm 61:2. So many times that is exactly how I feel - overwhelmed. It's such a comfort to remember that when I am, I can go to Jesus Christ who is a high Rock to lean on and learn from. His grace is sufficient.
5. Would you rather read a good book or watch a movie to relax? Read a good book, for sure. I used to be *such* a movie person. But I realized that I was wasting way too much time watching movie, and so I sort of "swore off" movies for this entire year. (Although not totally) I don't miss it at all, and I find that I would way rather read a book, go for a walk, bake something, etc. I have time to do things that are truly refreshing now!
6. What is your favorite color? Every color!! Haha :) My favorites are probably purple, pink and sky blue
7. Who is the person who inspires you the most? Okay, this has to broken into categories. In the Bible: Peter, because he had my passionate personality, messed up a lot, yet did amazing things for God. In my life: My mom. She is such an amazing influence and godly example to me. In history: Gladys Aylward. She was a woman with some serious faith - she had "everything against her," but God on her side. She believed and lived out Romans 8:31-39. And God did amazing things through her!
8. What is one thing about you that people don't usually know? I deal with a lot of loneliness. I struggle with missing my brothers, wanting to see friends more, and wanting a "special someone." I think God is bringing me through this difficult time to show me that He is enough for me.
9. Would you rather be hot or cold? Probably hot. I always used to not mind being cold and get cranky when I was too hot, but now I am totally the other way.
10. What is your favorite type of food? Seafood!! Mmm looove it!
11. What is your favorite classic old movie? Probably Emma, the Jane Austen movie. As for animated movies: I totally love Lion King. :)

And here are 11 questions for those who I tag! 

1. What is something that you dream of doing someday?
2. Have you ever been on a missions trip? Where did you (or would you like to) go?
3. What is your favorite kind of pet?
4. How do you normally do your hair?
5. What is your favorite hobby?
6. What is your favorite article of clothing (hoodies, PJ pants, skirts, etc)?
7. Do you play any instruments? If so, how long have you played?
8. What are 5 words that you would like to describe you?
9. Do you prefer to be indoors or outdoors?
10. What is/was your favorite topic in school?
11. Who do you talk to most on a daily basis?


And, last but not least, the people I am tagging:
1. Leah Albright at God's Daughter
2. Karissa Noelle at Set Apart Girl 4 Christ
3. Emily at Emily's Ponderings

And well, most of my friends have already done this, so anyone else who wants to do it can take it from me :)